The colony, it weakens.

Huzzah.

So about a week ago, I discovered a few tiny little ants marching their way through my foyer in my home. Icky, but not too bad. They were very small blackish ones and not giant carpenter ants that can cause structural damage. But still, I do not want an army of six-legged cavalry running drills in my living room.

I did what any reasonable person would do in my situation. I asked my husband to take care of the ants.

He did what any unreasonable husband does, kinda forgot about it the next day, got really busy, and then ended up heading out to his parents to dog sit for four days. So, you know where it leaves this reasonable person.

One trip to Lowe's and a few agonizing decisions later (do I get a spray or a trap? for which kind of ants? how many? the expensive ones or will the cheap ones do?) I arrived home with a pack of 4 bait traps, mid-range price, and a container of spray, just in case. My thinking was that the poisonous bait would be best for long-term control as it will slowly, but surely, eradicate the entire colony within the walls near the GIANT GAPING HOLE I found in our baseboard (but really, the structurally shittastic decision making of the builders of our home should be saved for another post). The bait will be carried back to the larvae and Queen and then, it's curtains for the entire nest.

However. It. Can. Take. Weeks.

And let me tell you, because I don't know how I possibly managed to not type this sooner, having these ants on the carpet has made me psychotic. I scan the carpet constantly, and tiny movements out of the corner of my eye attract my attention downwards. Sometimes, it's just carpet. No, really. My husband has declared me "delirious." But more times, it's maybe two or three scouts, marching through my turf. They seem to like to work in pairs or teams of 3 or 4. Keeps 'em honest, maybe, so they're not shoving crumbs into their little thorax pockets and holding out on their hundred kin. But, try as I may, I can NOT pretend they aren't there, as John had so thoughtfully suggested, before he conveniently forgot to vanquish them. "They're not that bad," he said.

That is where the spray comes into play. I laid those 4 traps, all in places where my three cats have no chance to get them. But, just in case I can't wait for the Queen's dominions to bring her back a little fipronil dinner, I can take them down on sight. The realist in me knows that if I plan to win this war, I have to infiltrate the nest deep within my walls by letting them take in the Trojan horse. But the real realist in me is twopointseven seconds away from grabbing the spray and nailing all those little bastards, then vacuuming up their carcasses.

I am happy to report that tonight, after about 48 hours of bait trap usage, the scout numbers have dropped considerably. I see a few random contingents wearily marching towards the GIANT GAPING HOLE. The next step in my multi-phase stratagem will be a good spray treatment in and out, to discourage another regiment from relocating to the walls of a nice, comfy little duplex whose owners may as well not even own a kitchen table. After that, another trip to Lowe's to be befuddled by the many options in viscosity, brands, and usages of sealant to do something about an issue I may have mentioned previously. Oh, yeah, the GIANT GAPING HOLE in our baseboard that may, for all I know, have a vestibule to the outside as well. I'm sure there will be sanding and spackling and some touch up painting as well.

Damn, just caught myself carpet-gazing again. Maybe I should just go upstairs.